So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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