I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
