So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Girls should come with a carfax report
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
