Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
