well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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