Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
