i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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