the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
nutella sex= disaster
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
