You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
