He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
