you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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