there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
