I just made out with a guy for $7.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
