Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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