WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize