Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
