He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
