would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
