Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have demons in me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
