Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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