So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
