I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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