sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
