i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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