I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
