operation harelip BJ is a go
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
