My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
