ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
