It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
At least life still wants to fuck me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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