I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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