i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
