I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
