I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
