i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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