haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
