We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
