her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
