Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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