he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
