Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize