How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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