then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize