what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
