it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
