shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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