clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
