Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
