The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
