So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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