Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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