She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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