3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
