i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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