Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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