I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
