i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
