He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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